Arguments

Every couple argues from time to time—it is definitely very normal—but you can tell the difference between fighting with a narcissist and fighting with someone who is not narcissistic. When you fight with a narcissist, you will never be right. They believe that they are always right and that there is no way that they could ever be wrong. They are very good at manipulating and flipping the story. They can switch up your words to make it seem as if everything is your fault. Even when you are coming to them with a problem, it always ends up being your fault. This can be very dangerous for the person who is not a narcissist in the equation. They can feel as if they are not good enough or that everything that they do is wrong. This can be extremely toxic. This person is unwilling to take responsibility, so you end up carrying all of the weight. If you feel as if you are always wrong and that you do everything wrong in your relationship, there is a possibility that you are dating a narcissist. Arguing with a narcissist will never get you anywhere. There is no showing them where they went wrong and there is no coming to an understanding. You either get over it or you don’t, and if not, you may as well break it off with them because you will never be important in their life.

Yes, Yes, Yes!

In this case, narcissists can be put into a category along with children. When you say ‘no’ to a child, there can sometimes be an explosion or tantrum. This happens when you say no to a narcissist as well. If you are wondering whether your partner is a narcissist or not, the next time they ask you whether you can do something or not, just calmly say no, or tell them that you will think about it. If either of these answers cause them to react in a tantrum, explosion, or through passive aggression, it is a huge sign that you are dating a narcissist. They believe that whatever they say goes, and that they are more to you than a partner but are also your boss. What they say, goes and that’s that. You should feel comfortable saying no to your partner and you should definitely not be scared to say no. When people become upset when you say no (caring only about their convenience and not about the inconvenience you may have), it is a definite sign that they are more interested in themselves being more comfortable than they are in you being happy. If they want something from the kitchen but you are both sitting on the couch comfortably, they should be able to get up and grab it. Of course, if you are already in the kitchen and the item wanted is nearby, saying no would be selfish on your end (something that a narcissist would do). If someone expects you to go out of your way to do something that would take them the same amount of time and energy to do, you may be dealing with a narcissist. If you are experiencing hostility whenever saying no to your partner, they may be a narcissist.

Your Feelings and Issues

When dating a narcissist, they will not want to hear you out when you are feeling sad or even depressed. They do not want to hear about it because they will always take it personally and think that you are upset with them or will become upset because they think that you are accusing them of doing something wrong. You will never gain understanding or compassion from this person and it will not make you feel very well. Having your emotions ignored by your partner can be one great way to erode your relationship from the very beginning. Say that you are having a typical bad day: you missed the bus this morning on your way to work, the time crawled by as your boss yelled at you for their mistake, and then got splashed by a truck on your way home from work. You were just feeling terrible and needed a good hug from your partner. When you arrive home, you find your partner on the couch watching television. You begin to speak to them about your day and hope for a little bit of compassion, but instead they become upset with you for speaking over their television show. Instead of pausing it or just deciding to miss it to make you feel better, they will not care because it’s their show and you are doing an injustice by speaking. It’s your fault that they are now upset, and it’s your fault that you now feel worse. If this is something that seems like it could happen in your relationship, you may want to take into consideration that you may be dating a narcissist.

No Rules

In a narcissist’s life, there are no rules, even when there are. They will cut in front of an old lady and not think twice. They may lie to get what they want, and they also are known for cheating. They believe that everything that they do is right and believe that everything and everyone else is wrong. If you notice that the person you are with is doing any of these things, or do certain things that feel wrong to you and not to them, you may want to step back and think about their other behaviours, not only towards rules but also towards you. If you are out at a restaurant and your partner is being rude to your waitress or waiter and believes that it is funny and impressive, this is a sign that you are dating a narcissist.

Attention

According to a narcissist, science says that the earth revolves around them. Therefore, if they are not getting enough attention it could cause a lot of harm—not only to their ego, but also to your ears. You will not hear the end of it. If you are planning on going out with your friends without them, they will become upset and yap your ear off until you are forced to invite them. If you are dating a narcissist, they will do absolutely anything to get your attention because they feel that they deserve it 24 hours a day, and also feel as if they are your number one priority, because why wouldn’t they be? Like a child, if you are not constantly giving this person attention, they will feel unloved and rejected. They need your eyes on them at all times. If this sounds like the person you are dating, there is a great possibility that you are dating a narcissist.

Listening Skills

If you are in a relationship or are dating someone who does not listen no matter how hard you try for them to, there is a chance that they are a narcissist. When they have trouble hearing anything that you say regarding their behaviour or anything that doesn’t have to do with how great they are, they will not have any need to listen to you. If you are speaking about your day or about anything that doesn’t have to do with them and they are not listening, this is also a sign that you are dating a narcissist. This doesn’t always have to be the case, because it seems that a lot of men (in particular) don’t listen the first time you say something, but this is totally different. Keep an eye open for whether they are never listening or listening only after being told to listen. If this person doesn’t listen to you and becomes upset when you choose not to listen to them, there is a good chance that you are dating a narcissist. Get out while you can!

Their Hero is Themselves

Superman? Batman? Who? When it comes to super hero, a narcissists favourite vigilante is themselves. When having a simple conversation with your partner or date, it can be quite simple to pick up on narcissistic behaviour. The easiest way to figure out if your partner is a narcissist is out of five conversations, how many times does he make the subject about himself? Also, how many times does he say I’ or ‘me’ within a minute? Really listen to everything he is saying, but also take into consideration the amount of time he takes to talk about himself, and how many times he changes the subject just to talk about himself. If on your first date he did not stop talking (not out of being nervous but because he only wanted to hear himself speak about himself) and you don’t get any words in, this probably means that he is a narcissist. You can normally tell on a first date whether or not someone has narcissistic qualities or not, but this is definitely something that you should always be looking for when you are dating, or even if you have been in a relationship for a long period of time.

Commitment Issues

If you and your partner have been together for a year or more and they are still not willing to seriously commit to you, they may have an issue with narcissism. Narcissistic personalities are more likely to not seriously commit due to the lack of caring and also lack of selflessness. If you have been dating someone for more than five years and you are ready to settle down with them but they are not, this does not mean that they are a narcissist, but it can also mean that they just aren’t ready for that big of a step. In a lot of cases after five years you will either be already broken up with a narcissist or wouldn’t want to get married in the first place. If you are in the rare position where you are trying to marry a narcissist (but don’t know that they are a narcissist), you will find yourself having quite a hard time doing so. If this person is worried about commitment, there is a chance that they are a narcissist. If you feel as if this person is only with you to feel as if they are loved, this can be a huge problem. With narcissistic characters, it is easy to feel whether they actually love you or just love the fact that someone loves them. Since they feel as if not many people like them (because they are jealous, obviously…), but you come out of nowhere and except them for the amazing person they believe to be, they will love having you around to boost up their ego and tell them how much you love them and how much you love being with them. It feeds them and makes them stronger!